The Monthly Telegrapgh (Feb '09)

A miracle! That's what I've discovered in Ernie Zahn's living room! While I'm looking for a place to stay, Ernie has been kind of enough to let me sleep in his home's crawl space. Well, it's Monday, so he always generously let's me out to see the light and gives me some food!

Whilst being in a bit of a trance due to malnourishment, I wandered into Ernie's living room and discovered an odd looking box. Ernie turned it on for me and I saw pictures...and...they were coming alive! He told me the device was based on a technology called motion pictures. I seem to recall such an invention in my time, but I thought it was a thing that was only frequented by unsavory men who'd like to sneak a peek at ladies' ankles (hehehe)!

I also recall however, that there was a man in a small room projecting these living pictures. I was pleased to find that when I stood in front of this device, which Ernie called a letter T and a letter V, that my shadow was not cast across its screen.

When I asked Ernie what sort of grains must be fed to this TV to keep it sustained, there was a bit of a silence. He then began explaining that this device is powered by something called electricity. Whatever it is, it sounds delicious and I will try it someday.

This new device is a bit overwhelming and quite confusing. My sentiments only increased when Ernie started mentioning things like "TV will switch to DTV in 2009." After hearing this my heart skipped a beat when I realized that people were still cutting of switches to discipline animals.

I was growing worried that this change to DTV would be too much for me to take right now but was relieved to hear that the change date has been moved from February to June. Thank my lucky German helmet!

I was even more relieved to see I'm not the only one who's confused about all this! Below, is a small living picture window with a very small lady who's speaking my language! Let' have a look:



That's one fine gal! Perhaps her and I can push a hoop down a road on our way to a nice box social!

BTW, I found this living picture box on a youtubery binge. Thank you to DTV2009 for a PSA!

New Title for Niente: The Movie?

Ernie writes-

Someone on the Niente team, and I won't say who (OLD MAN STROLL!!!!!!), wants to change the title of Niente: The Movie. We've been having a tough time coming up with a good name, so we want to here from all of you niente peaches out there! Thinking of a new movie title is a tall order especially when all you have to go on for the plot is a dancing ostrich and Igor dressed as Shrek meets the Texas chainsaw Massacre:















Yeah...that's what I mean.

Anyway, what you need is a good run through of the plot, well here you go:

So there's this scientist named Claudio Chiuso who experiments with ocular frequencies. His next project, which he calls "Immaculate Perception," is supposed to adjust the eye to be able to see God in Heaven. Well, he succeeds! Yaay! Get this, God turns out to be a skinny 20 year old white kid with beautiful locks of brown hair. Kind of like this:















Yeah...that's what I mean.

Anyway, this God character decides that the cat's out of the bag now! So he might as well address the public, do a few miracles and see what happens later that night. Turns out, everybody in the world freaks! World War III breaks out and (publicly) God seems disappointed and angry but really he and his angels planned all of this! God and his apostolic/angelic cronies want humanity to destroy itself so they can justify declaring Judgment Day! You see, God and his buddies want to take over the Earth and turn it into Eden once more so they have a cool place to go to during the summer. I don't know if you know this but Heaven is dreadful in the winter and they've only got basic cable. Yeah, so God declares judgment day, but the humans don't take this lying down. The U.S. government meets with the President at the Pentagon to come up with a genius plan! They say "Hey! If we declare war on God and win, then America can rule the world!" And so every nation of the world comes to same conclusion and launches their own campaign against Heaven. Turns out bullets didn't really take against these holy beings. So every nation is blasted back to the stone age. But right in the last moments of humanity's end, one brave knight, named Charlie Kemp, stood tall and and decided to fight for the salvation of the good in all of us. Here's what he looks like:












Yeah...that's what I mean. (Hey! I know that guy! His feet smell!)

Will Charlie Kemp win? You just gotta see Niente: The Movie to find out! Or maybe it won't be Niente: The Movie, maybe it'll be Captain Angry Pants Does it Again!: The Movie

You can help us decide! Let us know what you think!! You can let us know by visiting this place: http://peachboard.phpbb.net/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=206&p=1533#p1533 . Just sign in if you're a niente peach! Not a niente peach? Sign up for free today! Jut use that same link and click register! It's fast and free! If you sign up, then I'll let you dream about me!