Cine-Caust

Ernie writes-

Some people still claim it was a myth. But this documentary proves that the video format attempted to clense the film format in the early 80's. Take a look:

Click To Play

More great films like this one can be found here:

CLICK HERE

Grand Opening!

The official Niente store is now open!

Items will be added as new graphics are created, so there isn't much in there now...

But anyway, get your Niente gear here.

http://www.cafepress.com/nientepeaches

Top 10 actual reasons for Bush's recent colonoscopy.

As you know, Overlord Bush recently gave his presidential powers over to Chancellor Cheney while he was under sedation for his colonoscopy.

After some careful and painstaking research, I believe I've come up with a few reasons for why he had a colonoscopy at such a critical time.

1. Those WMD's have to be in there somewhere, right?

2. It gives Cheney the option of starting a world war with no effect on Bush's image.

3. Ha! Bush can't testify before an investigative commitee if he's sedated, can he? Take that, congress!

4. The mission was to retrieve the stick, lodged deep inside the president's ass, that has been the cause of his behavior all along.

5. Any autographed pictures taken by the robotic ass-camera must be worth millions, right? *check e-bay*

6. (insert head-up-ass joke here)

7. Cheney was president to begin with. He just wanted to have it on the record.

8. Where do you think we've been keeping those strategic oil reserves? Eh?

9. Oh my holy christ, it's the goatse guy. Let us never speak of this again.

10. The live camera feed from inside the president would be the most interesting report CNN has ever come up with. Fox News anchors will be tripping over themselves to compliment the president's ass.

Crazy Photoshop Contest #1

Ok, folks, it's time to get down to it. We need your help. Since none of us have any particular skills of any use, or any money to go out and hire anyone, we have to whore ourselves out to the lowest possible bidder.

Today, you, the reader, are our "john", if you will.

Your mission: design the best, brightest, most original Niente Peaches (or just Niente) logo you can come up with. For fame and prizes!

Guidelines:

• You have two weeks. In other words, a winner will be announced August 8th.
• Don't use any copyrighted material and don't steal anything from others. We could get in trouble.
• Tell as many people as you can about the contest. We also rely on you for word-of-mouth advertising.
• No goaste. That's right out.

Prizes:

The contest winner will recieve...

• A t-shirt featuring their logo and a custom message.
• A special contributor credit in Niente: The Movie (!)
• Free promotion, on this site, to any of your projects (websites, movies, businesses, blogs) in the form of a banner ad, weblink, or promotional post, or some combination of the three.
• Internet fame and lore.
• The pleasant feeling of a job well done.
• Three french hens.
• Two turtle doves.
• And a partridge in a Niente Peach tree.

You can submit your entries by sending links in the comment section or by attaching your submissions in an email to igorz@brandeis.edu and/or bfspublicrelations@gmail.com.

Good shoppin'!

Things happening this week...

Igor Writes-

Later this week:

1. Guest posts!

2. Contests!

3. Merchandise!

4. Free money!*




*There will be no free money.

Brilliant Idea #2

Now that HDTV is becoming standard, and every cable company is advertising that they have the most HD channels (don't ask me how that's possible), TV is increasingly becoming all-digital. In fact, in a few years it will be ILLEGAL to broadcast in analog.

People who have HDTVs generally have home theater systems to go along with them. Why not offer advanced audio options, too? Perhaps HD channels with optimized surround sound?

When the snooty hospital director walks in on Dr. House watching soap operas in the break room, I want to be able to hear her directly behind me, which is something that is glaringly missing from Fox HD.

Get on it, Cablevision.

Edit - My colleague informs me that some Fox shows are presented in 5.1 surround sound. Have you ever listened to any of those programs? It's the most half-assed 5.1 I've ever heard. So there.

10 Steps to Better Blog Posts

Igor Writes:

1. Always write top 10 lists.
It's quick, it's easy. You don't need to put any thought into it or even follow a particular subject. Plus, people can skim it if reading isn't really their thing. You can use other people's material without being accused of plagarism!

2. Use material that everyone already knows about.
Nobody wants to see original material. Anyone can do original material. But if you recycle things that people have already seen and are sick of, you'll seem legit.

3. Throw ads into your blog posts.
It looks more proffesional and your fans will respect it, especially our fans at Illberto's Clam Palace in Benoit, Michigan. Illberto's: Great seafood for a great price.

4. Pictures
Use lots of them. They don't need to be related to what you are writing about, but they will make your post seem longer and impressive. They will assume that you had to write a lot of code. Make sure you take them directly from another website. Feel free to stretch them to any size you want. Just because a picture is pixelated and misshapen doesn't mean it won't be effective. If all else fails, lolcats.


5. Ask for money.
Don't be afraid to be shameless. Your fans know that you only write a blog for the cash. Treat them as customers. They owe you.

6. Ignoer things like speling and grammer.
noone is paying attension dont worry about punctuation and things: waste of time

7. Racism can be useful.
A small element of racism makes your blog stand out, and brings in niche readers. Don't be afraid to use it out of context. Asians are smelly.

8. Abuse sites like Digg and Reddit.
Tell all of your friends to sign up for three accounts. Instant traffic with no reprocussions!

9. Respond to comments.
Don't take any shit. If anyone offers criticism, whether or not it is warranted, take the time and effort to discredit them. Call them gay. Make sure you flame their blog. For added effect, threaten legal action.

10. End all posts as awkwardly as possible.
Fuck off.