Cine-Caust

Ernie writes-

Some people still claim it was a myth. But this documentary proves that the video format attempted to clense the film format in the early 80's. Take a look:

Click To Play

More great films like this one can be found here:

CLICK HERE

Grand Opening!

The official Niente store is now open!

Items will be added as new graphics are created, so there isn't much in there now...

But anyway, get your Niente gear here.

http://www.cafepress.com/nientepeaches

Top 10 actual reasons for Bush's recent colonoscopy.

As you know, Overlord Bush recently gave his presidential powers over to Chancellor Cheney while he was under sedation for his colonoscopy.

After some careful and painstaking research, I believe I've come up with a few reasons for why he had a colonoscopy at such a critical time.

1. Those WMD's have to be in there somewhere, right?

2. It gives Cheney the option of starting a world war with no effect on Bush's image.

3. Ha! Bush can't testify before an investigative commitee if he's sedated, can he? Take that, congress!

4. The mission was to retrieve the stick, lodged deep inside the president's ass, that has been the cause of his behavior all along.

5. Any autographed pictures taken by the robotic ass-camera must be worth millions, right? *check e-bay*

6. (insert head-up-ass joke here)

7. Cheney was president to begin with. He just wanted to have it on the record.

8. Where do you think we've been keeping those strategic oil reserves? Eh?

9. Oh my holy christ, it's the goatse guy. Let us never speak of this again.

10. The live camera feed from inside the president would be the most interesting report CNN has ever come up with. Fox News anchors will be tripping over themselves to compliment the president's ass.

Crazy Photoshop Contest #1

Ok, folks, it's time to get down to it. We need your help. Since none of us have any particular skills of any use, or any money to go out and hire anyone, we have to whore ourselves out to the lowest possible bidder.

Today, you, the reader, are our "john", if you will.

Your mission: design the best, brightest, most original Niente Peaches (or just Niente) logo you can come up with. For fame and prizes!

Guidelines:

• You have two weeks. In other words, a winner will be announced August 8th.
• Don't use any copyrighted material and don't steal anything from others. We could get in trouble.
• Tell as many people as you can about the contest. We also rely on you for word-of-mouth advertising.
• No goaste. That's right out.

Prizes:

The contest winner will recieve...

• A t-shirt featuring their logo and a custom message.
• A special contributor credit in Niente: The Movie (!)
• Free promotion, on this site, to any of your projects (websites, movies, businesses, blogs) in the form of a banner ad, weblink, or promotional post, or some combination of the three.
• Internet fame and lore.
• The pleasant feeling of a job well done.
• Three french hens.
• Two turtle doves.
• And a partridge in a Niente Peach tree.

You can submit your entries by sending links in the comment section or by attaching your submissions in an email to igorz@brandeis.edu and/or bfspublicrelations@gmail.com.

Good shoppin'!

Things happening this week...

Igor Writes-

Later this week:

1. Guest posts!

2. Contests!

3. Merchandise!

4. Free money!*




*There will be no free money.

Brilliant Idea #2

Now that HDTV is becoming standard, and every cable company is advertising that they have the most HD channels (don't ask me how that's possible), TV is increasingly becoming all-digital. In fact, in a few years it will be ILLEGAL to broadcast in analog.

People who have HDTVs generally have home theater systems to go along with them. Why not offer advanced audio options, too? Perhaps HD channels with optimized surround sound?

When the snooty hospital director walks in on Dr. House watching soap operas in the break room, I want to be able to hear her directly behind me, which is something that is glaringly missing from Fox HD.

Get on it, Cablevision.

Edit - My colleague informs me that some Fox shows are presented in 5.1 surround sound. Have you ever listened to any of those programs? It's the most half-assed 5.1 I've ever heard. So there.

10 Steps to Better Blog Posts

Igor Writes:

1. Always write top 10 lists.
It's quick, it's easy. You don't need to put any thought into it or even follow a particular subject. Plus, people can skim it if reading isn't really their thing. You can use other people's material without being accused of plagarism!

2. Use material that everyone already knows about.
Nobody wants to see original material. Anyone can do original material. But if you recycle things that people have already seen and are sick of, you'll seem legit.

3. Throw ads into your blog posts.
It looks more proffesional and your fans will respect it, especially our fans at Illberto's Clam Palace in Benoit, Michigan. Illberto's: Great seafood for a great price.

4. Pictures
Use lots of them. They don't need to be related to what you are writing about, but they will make your post seem longer and impressive. They will assume that you had to write a lot of code. Make sure you take them directly from another website. Feel free to stretch them to any size you want. Just because a picture is pixelated and misshapen doesn't mean it won't be effective. If all else fails, lolcats.


5. Ask for money.
Don't be afraid to be shameless. Your fans know that you only write a blog for the cash. Treat them as customers. They owe you.

6. Ignoer things like speling and grammer.
noone is paying attension dont worry about punctuation and things: waste of time

7. Racism can be useful.
A small element of racism makes your blog stand out, and brings in niche readers. Don't be afraid to use it out of context. Asians are smelly.

8. Abuse sites like Digg and Reddit.
Tell all of your friends to sign up for three accounts. Instant traffic with no reprocussions!

9. Respond to comments.
Don't take any shit. If anyone offers criticism, whether or not it is warranted, take the time and effort to discredit them. Call them gay. Make sure you flame their blog. For added effect, threaten legal action.

10. End all posts as awkwardly as possible.
Fuck off.

SHIT FUCK!

This is why you avoid Friday the 13th like the plague (that's when it happened).



Meanwhile, 193 subscribers to Niente Radio means everyone knows that it's awesome. If you haven't already, then subscribe.

Idea!

Igor Writes-

When are we going to have away messages for our cell phones?

If I'm at a movie, at the gym, in an office, I should be able to push a button and record a message like:

"Sorry guys, I'm watching transformers with the crew. Leave a message."

I should get a patent and also not post these kinds of things.

Thanks, Ben

Mike Gravel Is Awesome!

Colostomy bags, congress, filibusters, and one great story about the classified documents that blew the lid off of the Vietnam war.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pentagon_papers

Recommendations

1) This American Life podcast, which you can get on iTunes. NPR's most popular show can now be heard as an hour-long podcast, which is always fascinating. Subscribe to it, and to Niente Radio while you are at it. http://www.thislife.org/

2) YouTube artist Pat Condell (user name patcondell). A staunch atheist who says exactly what we are all thinking, and says it in an entertaining and hilarious way. http://www.youtube.com/profile_videos?user=patcondell

3) The Show with ZeFrank. Haven't seen it? What's wrong with you!!?? Watch it right now and be merry. http://www.zefrank.com/theshow/

4) Crooks and Liars. Rapidly becoming my favorite political blog. Great stuff every day, complete with videos. http://www.crooksandliars.com/

Enjoy!

A modest proposal...

Igor Writes-

I've been following this situation for nearly 7 years now, and I believe that the time has come. We must invade.

Now I know that you will think that this is hasty, but hear me out.

I have good reason to believe that this regime has weapons of mass destruction and the means to use it. They have repeatedly threatened other countries with them.

Run by radical religious fanatics, they continue to defy the United Nations, occupying non-threatening nations despite a global backlash.

They have repeatedly denied investigatory access by their own legislative body. In fact, over the years, the regime has stripped away the power of the legislative body until it has become merely a figurehead.

This regime has corrupted the justice system of its government, and is clearly attempting a power grab, moving steadily closer to full totalitarianism.

This regime spies illegally on its own citizens. Though it will not admit to doing so, it has been known to kidnap citizens, locking them away in secret prisons strewn throughout the world without trial. It has consistently engaged in the torture of captured enemies and alleged enemies.

It has stripped it's people of the fundamental right to fair trial, and is attempting to eliminate free speech as well.

It is well known that the regime has thrown and stolen two democratic elections, and may be looking to circumvent a third.

This regime has, in the past, been known to directly fund terrorism, including the infamous Osama Bin Laden.

By now, I don't need to tell you what nation I am talking about.

We need to take action now. We can not wait for a mushroom cloud on our soil.

We need to fight them there so that we don't need to fight them here.

We need to do it now.

Monday Evening Theoretical Physics Time!

Igor Writes-

I saw this video about 3 months ago (2 parts) and have been dying to discuss it with someone.

This is complicated as hell. But it does make sense. Perfect sense. You just have to think about it in the right way.

Fascinating.

Imagining the Tenth Dimension

Part 1


Part 2


Kind of a mind fuck, no? I want to hear from you about this.

The greatest news story ever...

Igor Writes-

I swear I'm not making this up.

A Staten Island homeless man was arrested in late June and is being held on bail for $2,500.

What was his crime? I'll let the article tell the story.

Potts is accused of savagely attacking a peacock outside the Burger King at Page Avenue and Amboy Road in Tottenville on the morning of June 28. The defendant allegedly thought he was slaying a vampire that "came out of the darkness" even though the attack occurred in broad daylight.

Yes, you read that correctly. He mistook a peacock for a vampire coming out the the darkness. In the middle of the day. Wow. But there is more to it.

A few days after the incident, the man was in a confrontation with his stepfather, then ran down the street with a shovel, shouting that he had the bubonic plague.

Can't make these things up, folks.

Link to original article.

Update: WTF???

I found this video linked to another one that I had posted, and this one is much worse. What the shit, guys?

To be fair, I think these are British soldiers, but still not cool.

I know this represents like 1% of what really goes on out there, and in all likelyhood I have no right to comment. But I calls 'em as I sees 'em, and this is unacceptable.

Or is it? What do you think?

You all knew I would post this...

Igor Writes-

The next installment of Keith Olbermann's Special Comment:



Whether you agree or disagree, you have to admit that he makes a good point. Up until recently, our society has demonized the politicization of high national offices (such as the pres/vice-pres). Even Nixon was forced to resign once it turned out that he was obstructing justice to cover up a political scandal.

We know that Bush is using his power to obstruct justice. This whole thing smells fishy. Clearly, SOMEONE is trying to cover up the massive politicization of the department of justice and the entire executive branch. I have an idea of who is leading the charge.

I hope they do resign.

I'm sure I'm on a list anyway...

Igor Writes-

Update: I had to think long and hard about whether or not I wanted to make this post. But, as long as we're all being honest here...

Ok, I know how this looks. I want to say right off the bat, I'm not unpatriotic. I don't hate our troops. I don't hate our country.

I do, however, have to wonder why I keep seeing things like this:



Why are there so many videos of soldiers being dicks to Iraqi civilians?



I think what's happened here is that a) none of these soldiers are trained to deal with civilians, which now seems all but obvious, and b) after seven tours of duty you tend to get frustrated and bored.

Again, what I'm saying here is that the military, lead by Arch-Emperor Bush himself, dropped the ball on this. I believe that part of what is happening to American troops in Iraq has at least something to do with the military giving insufficient training on how to get along with the civilian population.

Do you agree? Disagree? Am I a dirty rotten commie insurgent bastard? Let me know.

Pizzin' It

Igor Writes-

If you happened to miss the other cello quartet video, go look right now. Stop reading this, and go watch. You are not reading this.

Anyway, here's a follow-up:



As long as we are covering cellos, here's another ditty that I picked up:

Niente Radio!

Ernie Writes-



So we've decided to begin Niente Radio on iTunes with its first episode in August instead of October. We're ahead of schedule with production and other things so we decided to not make everyone wait for this glorious program.

If you aren't aware of it, "Niente Radio" is a 20-minute monthly, periodical that can be found on iTunes if you search "niente" in the iTunes store. OR you can click on the link at the top of this blog, "visit our freakin' podcast already!"

The show itself will consist of general political/social discussion and 2-3 sketches per episode, plus a new guest for every show!

Subscribe now and get a free subscription to "Niente Radio!"

Plastic Fantastic

Igor Writes-

First of all, let me drop a link. My friend Chris is a bit of a weather freak and has started a website devoted to local weather (and probobly Boston once school starts up) which is 687% more adept at predicting the weather than weather.com or any of the other local chumps. It also caters to students, and goes as far as to tell you what to wear to class. You can find his site here. Expect a link in the sidebar as well.


Second, I love cello. A lot. This video shows just why. Just wait until you figure out what it is. It's worthwhile.



Retro album of the day: Talking Heads - Stop Making Sense

I could eat a peach for hours...

You can now find us at our spiffy new domain, http://www.nientepeaches.com

The old address will work too, but come on, this one is cooler.